today's gagworthy entry

Here's the last letter "Jesse" sent me, mailed from Alaska by his "ex-professor" the day after he died. Apparently it fell behind a cushion on the couch where "Jesse" was sleeping and when he couldn't find it he asked this guy to mail it for him. People who read my prior blog (not available any longer) have already seen the front of the card - a prairie dog. I received this card around the 8th, but held onto it to open with Janna in New Mexico, where we stayed at "Jesse's" favorite spa to celebrate his birthday, September 21.

So, that's the backstory. Here's the letter. Isn't it sweet? Isn't Janna creative?

in case you're still curious...

I thought I'd put up some more photos.

"Jesse's" alleged horse, "Bowie"

"Jesse's" alleged barn, and alleged other horse, "Shidoni"

"Jesse's" alleged brother-in-law, "Tim Kuippfer" and two llamas

"Jesse's" alleged grandfather, "Desmond" Something-or-other-Irish

"Jesse's" alleged father, "Davian Blaine" (the guy in the middle) in college in Colorado back in the hippie heyday

"Jesse's" alleged friends, "Bean," "Butch," "Cakey," and "Clue"


"Cakey's" alleged ex-lair, before moving to the wonderful house on "Jesse's" ranch.

Another pic of "Cakey's" lair

Another photo of "Jesse's" alleged ex-wife "Krista"

A photo of two of "Alice Aloha's" alleged teacher coven members - the one on the right ("Lesley") tried to get jiggy with "Jesse"

"Jesse's" alleged Argentinian friend "Pavlo"

"Jesse's" alleged niece "Oona" days after being born in February 2006

"Jesse's" alleged niece "Oona" a year later.

"Jesse's" alleged son "Rhys" at the wedding of "Krista" to her second husband, "Steve"
"Jesse's" alleged son "Rhys" about a year and a half ago

The famous "Jesse feeding a prairie dog" photo

A photo of "Jesse" that his sister "Alice Aloha" sent me

A photo of "Jesse" and "Cakey's" alleged wife "Amy" that was on "Cakey's" blog

The first photo anyone ever saw of "Jesse" supposedly taken Memorial Day 2004, I believe

"Jesse" with his alleged dog, "Hoot"

Another photo of "Jesse" from "Cakey's" blog

A photo of "Jesse" when he was an alleged child

A photo of "Jesse" the day he left the NY psychiatric facility (2004 I think) - he said he wanted to remember what his stay there was like

A photo of "Jesse" and "Rhys" that "Alice Aloha" sent me

A photo of "Jesse" and some guy allegedly called "Bear" or something butch like that.


Photos of Jesse when he was in Little League, before he was traded as a sex toy to drug dealers by his "fauxther"


I'm sure I have more photos lying around, but I've spent my allotted amount of time on Janna crap today, and have my real life to get back to. Who knows what I'll put up here tomorrow? Maybe I'll revive "Jesse's" blog. Ha.

adios, amoebas

I'm wrapping this show up, but because I'm a big fan of closure, I'll be throwing a few things up here before I call it a day. One of those things is "Jesse's" tribute blog. For those of you who either want a stroll down surreal memory lane, or for people who never did get a look at it in the first place. Good thing I save everything, eh?

You'll find moving entries from Janna (as bajo, or Magnolia, as she was known thereabouts), "Jesse's" sister "Aloha," "Annie Martel," "Cakey," "Krista," "Rhys," "Pavlo," "Tim," and Janna's daughter Jessica (as the second part of JSquared). There were also some of "Jesse's" friends from the Deadwood boards, who I know exist! Thank the Lawd for small miracles. And me, there's some stuff from me too. Try not to laugh at me too much, and remember I was a basket case a year ago.

Janna prompted me to take the blog private, because she knew freaks were reading it, and it made her uncomfortable to post there. More likely she was afraid she'd be found out by someone she knew. Whatever the reason, here it is, no longer under wraps.

Go to town.

July 2006

August 2006

September 2006

October 2006

December 2006

January 2007

welcome to my weird world

I just finished watching The Night Listener. Sigh. I'd say that this movie, in a mashup with Notes On A Scandal, as directed by Hal Ashby, pretty much sums up my life these past couple of years. I was ripped off big-time by Janna St. James, perhaps for a shorter period of time than her Fogelberg quarry, but fucked more emotionally, since I had to deal with the death of "Jesse." At least with Dan Fogelberg she was somewhat tethered to reality, which is probably why she just made up the next dreamboat for big sucker me. She also got far more tangible goods out of me than the last lot. She's obviously honed her skills. She'll probably get a fuckin' car out of the next victim.

Blah. Vomit.

ani always writes what I think

life in the circus ain't easy
but the folks on the outside don't know
the tent goes up and the tent comes down
and all that they see is the show
and the ladies on the horses look so pretty
and the lions are lookin real mad
and some of the clowns are happy
and some of the clowns are sad

but underneath
there's another expression
that the makeup isn't making
life under the big top
it's about freedom
it's about faking
there's an art to the laughter
there's a science
and there's a lot of love and compliance

welcome to the freakshow
here we go...

we live to hear the slack-jawed gasping
we live under a halo of held breath
and when the children raise up a giant shield
of laughter, it's like they're fending off death
and we can make something bigger
than any one of us alone
and then the clowns will take off their makeup
and the people will go home

but life on the ouside ain't easy
no sequins, no elephants
no parading around
oh the circus comes
and the circus goes
and they're stuck in this fucking town

you need a lot of love and compliance

welcome to the freakshow
here we go

watch this space

Just thought I'd poke my head in here, say howdy to all those folks that are still sticking with this blog. The newspaper article about Janna St. James and her factitious disorder is forthcoming, I'd say within the next couple of weeks. Research and fact-checking is a bitch, or so I'm told.

If it's available online, I'll post a link. Otherwise, I'll figure out another way to distribute it to those who desire to read it, and to those who deserve to know.

Oh, and I'm doing well, by the way. Feel free to send me an e if you have any questions. I'll do my best to answer you.

the hits just keep on coming

Funny how someone who comments on my blog gets miffed when I then check theirs out, find something mean and just plain wrong about me vis-a-vis this situation, and comment on it. So miffed, in fact, that she won't allow me to comment at all anymore. So I guess I'll just respond here.

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Cari -

You "invited" me to your blog when you felt yourself entitled to comment on my own blog (which I don't recall inviting you to) nigh on two months ago.

I requested proof of "Jesse's" existence, as you know, when it was proven otherwise to me by research my friends and private investigators undertook. I also offered to have a neutral party deposed to say they'd seen "Jesse's" death certificate without revealing to me what "his" real name was, so your bullshit about me trying to weasel into this alleged family is just that - bullshit.

I can't figure out if you're Janna St. James, in collusion with Janna, or have just bought so deep into the fiction that you can't see the forest for the trees. I suspect the latter (but. don't. KNOW. for. sure.), and further, can't figure your motivation - is it that you're so painfully gullible or simply so egotistical that you can't believe you're wrong? Either way, you're clearly miffed that I didn't respond to your email platitudes, and you feel like lashing out at me for it. Whatevs. You wrote me an email that didn't prove jacksquat about who you are, more just gave you a forum to rattle on about your opinion, which I was already aware of. It didn't seem to warrant a reply.

Like I've said, it's been proven that Janna has told massive lies about herself, and whether or not she was "Jesse," the fact remains that nothing I was told by "Jesse," or any "friends" or "family" of "Jesse" was true in the least. So spare me your sympathy for the hurt of alleged people who made it their life's work to fuck with my head for nearly two years. And please limit your psychoanalysis to those poor souls deluded enough to pay you for their services because they think you're qualified to help them.


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Now, back to our previously scheduled programming.