Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Funny thing

I've been meaning to do a quick update for some time now, but wouldn't you know it, I've actually been super busy with my real life and chuffed that the blog for my fledgling company gets six times the amount of hits that this site gets. And this site gets a load, although many of them are searches for some other Janna, something to do with sexy times (one would imagine these seekers are flying solo). Then again, who knows, maybe it is the same Janna. She seems to like inflicting sexy times onto her unknowing targets. But my e-comm website, they're all there for ME, man! Yay!

So, anyway, real life intrudes upon the mess Janna made of my past real life. Hence, the quick update turns out to be not so quick.

I think it's important to keep everyone updated, and there ARE a fair amount of people who do check in here, all of them people who knew Janna Saint James Priggie in one of her many masks. This fact is, for me, double-edged. Part of my soul feels bolstered at having these comrades-in-arms, it makes me feel a little less gullible/stupid, because I see how convincing she can be, even in person and not over the intertubes. The other part of my soul feels gutted at knowing other people have been cut to the quick by her, and that even my lawsuit against her hasn't curtailed her impersonation activities one iota.

So let's start with the lawsuit. It's been going on since February 2008 (oh lawsy, almost two years). It's been, I kid you not, to-ing and fro-ing with complaints and responses in a Goldilocks & the Three Bears fashion, where the first complaint wasn't detailed enough, the second was too detailed, mere technicalities, etc etc and really it's just all about delaying it so I run out of money (or patience). There were issues with the judge retiring and a new fella taking his place, more delays and catching up.

Janna's lawyer kept making oblique overtures about Janna's insurance company making some kind of settlement offer for amounts in the neighborhood of $15,000. What the what? Insurance? What kind of insurance covers you against fraud and defamation? I'll have to check my policy, because I'm pretty sure I don't have that in mine. If someone breaks into my car, sure, I'll get reimbursed up to a grand, I think. But fraud? Wow, Batavia's got some comprehensive insurance plans. But who even thinks of getting coverage for this, unless you're already afraid of getting sued for fraud and defamation? WhatEVS. I said thanks, but no thanks.

So, the past almost-two years has been spent just trying to secure a trial. It's cost me a pretty penny, and it's a good thing I have vintage couture up the wazoo, because it's become my Janna Prosecution Fund. Just before Christmas, the new judge orally dismissed the case with prejudice (a tersely scrawled order followed, no actual reason given).

I'm appealing, of course, and don't worry, Goldilocks, we'll draft a complaint that the new judge deems just riiight. But I just did want to put down for the record that it's not cheap, it's a long and painful process, I've been disappointed by this being a potential deterrent, and there's more of the same to come. But...

Janna may have kicked my paranoia into permanent high gear and mangled my trusting nature, but I still have hope that I will emerge from this with the law on my side. My lawyer likes setting precedents, and I still have an assload of vintage, so I'm in this for the long haul.

And that gets me into the next part, now that you know where we are legally. Janna and what she does.

She did this in the late 70s/early 80s, with the band Styx. She convinced many people that she was the beloved of Tommy Shaw, the lead singer of Styx. Before the internet, when it was harder to be faceless. But she was good, nay, great with the letters. I've seen these letters, about darling "Janny," as she was known back then, going on tour with the band. Even then she managed to get the letters postmarked from cities other than her own. Funny how Tommy seemed to exhibit nearly identical symptoms to "Jesse" and blow me if they didn't have identical handwriting too! I'll post Exhibit A here later, when I pull the scans off my external drive.

I'd like to add that I do not believe for a moment any of the things she has alleged about Tommy Shaw, or Dan Fogelberg, or, well, other people she at least had the sense to fabricate after that (except for poor Anne Martel).

So Jan or Jann or Janny or Janet or Janna Saint James St. James or Hopper or Priggie or god knows what has been doing little riffs on this abused/bipolar/suicidal/drugtaking theme for over thirty years. And maybe longer, because lord knows who's gonna get in touch with me in the future. And she's still doing it. I know. People have gotten in touch with me.

So, Janna, some suggestions as to how to keep yourself from being so easily exposed (or found). Things you need to avoid/change to better fool your marks/avoid those you've already burned:

1. Quit with the letter J. Why limit yourself? Call your alter ego something that begins with a different letter, fer chrissake. Baby steps - try the letter K. Krista Kelly Knudson. There ya go. Because, Jessica Jillian James? Really? Really? Jesus Jucking Jhrist, lady.

2. Stop dying of cancer. Try dying of a heart attack, I know it's less drawn-out and you can't milk that as much, but think of the surprise factor that your other alter egos can then capitalize on. And being bipolar is so last decade. Try having Tourettes. Or narcolepsy. That would be good, because then you could combine it and you could die in a horrendous car accident because your narcolepsy kicked in while you were driving. What are the odds? ZOMG!

3. Your obsession with being molested. Stop that. It trivializes what real abuse victims have to deal with.

4. Ditto your obsession with dead children. It trivializes the pain that women who have really lost children have to deal with.

5. And violent rape, in a cornfield or otherwise. It trivializes ... you get my drift. And if you must persist in this lie, at least stop making your assailants Mexican. It's racist. and repetitive.

6. Find another outlet besides #5 above to blame your obesity on. Like maybe Pizzeria Uno. Or Hot Pockets.

7. Llamas, sheep, horses, or any other livestock. A no no.

8. Guys in bands. Seriously. You have to stop saying you were the beloved of/bore the dead child of guys in bands. Especially the bands you chose. In fact, stay away from the topic of music altogether. You know next to nothing about music, and left to your own devices, your taste SUCKS. So, try lawyers or doctors instead. Be the ex of F. Lee Bailey, or Christian Barnard. It'll make you seem smarter, at least.

9. Super-insane fractured families in which all the participants hate each other. Try drawing from a family life other than your own.

10. Stop talking about Dr. Hunter Thompson as if you knew him. If there's anyone that'd transcend the afterlife to kick your ass for demeaning his good name, it's him. Add to that a plea to stop mentioning Ted Bundy, because eeeewwww.

11. Find a new trinket obsession, besides crabs, pirates, skulls, voodoo, mermaids, and the Wizard of Oz. In case you were wondering, you're not one of the good witches. You're the one the house fell on.

12. Stop using ludicrous hippie names for your alter egos. That also means stop pretending you do yoga. A circle can't do a triangle.

13. I don't know what you can use instead of failed suicide attempts; they're just SO convenient in keeping your victims in line, so I guess you can keep this one.

14. Dancing. You. do. not. dance. You can barely walk.

15. Say no to drugs. And multiple personalities.

16. Professions - no more firemen, journalists, EMTs, cowboys, nurses, or teachers. Become something else. Perhaps something more apt - burger flipper, or Wal-Mart greeter.

17. Quit calling yourself a writer. You're a creative typist.

Shit, that's too much for now. I'm sure my list of suggestions could go on and on. But it's a start. If my suing Janna didn't stop her from pulling this shit to date, at least she shouldn't make it so easy for people to figure out who she is.

So, that's it for now.