Thursday, December 1, 2011

well, that was fast

News of Janet Hopper's ignoble life must be rushing like wildfire (heh) through the class of 1970. Should make for an interesting high school reunion next go-round!

J. Sterling Morton East High School. Class of '70. I guess it was the companion school to John's. How sickeningly cute is that? Almost like the boy next door scenario. So cute I could throw up.

And, no, nothing about success as a serial liar, but dig her specialties in HS: Art, modern dance, newspaper, library, Russian club, debate club, quill & scroll, and my favorite, forensics, where good ol' Janet placed third for original monologue.

I must get my hands on this yearbook, to flip through this and see the photos will be very interesting indeed.

But for now, let me break down the interests in high school which have featured so largely in her warped backstories for imaginary people and helped her hone her emotional succubus talents.

Art: it's undoubtedly how she's gotten in the door for many of these relationships. I'm sure her knowledge of art helped her form a bond with the ex-Mrs Fogelberg. Modern dance, oh my god, as the "Jesse" persona, she would never SHUT UP about dancing. Russian, another thing she wove into her story. Her mother was apparently Franco-Russian and never could lose her accent, kind of the way Janna could never lose her Fauxstralian/Brit accent. I'd pay good cash money for someone who had video of Janna speaking in her native Chicago accent.

But it's all the writing clubs she belonged to, especially the award for original monologue, that really crack my shit up. Oy, if they only knew then how original her monologue would get. Although it's not terribly original, I suppose - like Judith Krantz, it's the same old shit thrown in the blender and arranged slightly differently on the page for each scam. I'd love to know what her monologue was about. Perhaps I should see if anyone else in the forensics club can recall it.

And debate club?! Suddenly the reason why she's so fucking good at covering her ass, it all comes to light. She trained to be able to argue any point, whether or not she believed it.

Honestly, I'm surprised she wasn't part of an Irish or French club. I guess those obsessions came later.

More soon, I hope, with photos.


Anonymous said...

She may have trained to argue a point, but the motivation to do so, and EVEN if it is to her detriment, is ingrained in her DNA.

Q: Was there a kink club in her high school or did they meet secretly with the liars club?

Q: The early 70's - so no cyber geek club? One thing you can say for Janny is that she sure has 'kept up with the times'.

Q: No drama club? Guess that wouldn't be her style - she likes to pretend she's telling the truth, not have everyone know sh isn't. Gotta keep that mask on tight. Wonder why it looks like a guy so often?

Q: What, NO PSYCH club? This is troubling. Do you mean she had to learn all her fake deficiencies on her own??? tch tch, what has the world come to?

Q: No fan club for a 70's band or singer? I am shocked and dismayed!!

'big turd floating in the bay...'tis all she will ever be...'- recovered lyric fragment written by a famous folk-rock star not to be named (but he was my friend and I KNOW he wrote it about her, because he TOLD me so.)

Anonymous said...

'big turd floating in the bay...'tis all she will ever be...'-

Ha! that sounds about right.

Anonymous said...

Like JSJjjjj, you have become a caricature of a vindictive sucker.

Geez, let it go already.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Anon 1: -snork-

Anon 2: you're funny!

Anon 3: you, notsomuch. Like all the other concern trolls that soil this space, you are a caricature of someone I give less than half a shit about. You don't like what you see, you're free to go fuck yourself. Go eat yourself some clam chowdah.